My "Ross" from FRIENDS tanning incident.

I've determined that sometimes I am just unlucky.

I think the universe has a way of balancing itself out. If things are going well for you and the sun is shining and the birds are singing then SOMETHING MUST HAPPEN. Balance. It's okay. I get it.

So here's the story....

I've been making my husband kinda crabby lately because I've neglected to cancel a membership that has been drawing a fee from our bank account. It's not a huge fee....just $5 a month. It was a "stay and save" package price for putting an old tanning membership on "hold".  My recent skin issues mean that I CANNOT see sun (or the artificial kind) ever again. EVER. It's my kryptonite. Knowing this, my husband has nagged me for TWO YEARS to cancel it.

Uggghhh.

Anyhow, the peeps at someplace that sounds like Calm Peach Tan hooked me up by converting those dollars to a sunless tanning package. Perfect. Right?

That's what I thought. LUCKY ME!! Boom Boom.....$120 bucks baby to spend on looking tan.

*tisk *tisk *tisk

I should have known better. I work in a salon that provides airbrush spray tanning. I've seen what the walk-in booths can do, and I've convinced TONS of people not to use booth sunless tanning.

So....the super stunning brunette girl with butterfly eyelashes (not kidding, butterfly eyelashes) takes me to the tanning room and walks me through the routine. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I'm a professional. Besides, I couldn't listen to her. She blinked a lot. I mean, A LOT. It looked like butterflies were dancing before me right on her face. Odd.

Anyhow, I thanked her as she left and began the routine. Undress. Hair Net. Barrier Creme. More barrier creme. I'm so good at sunless tanning. I pretty much apply a perfect application of barrier creme every time. I could teach this stuff.  No orange hands and feet for this girl.

Step in the machine. Left foot in position #1. Right foot in position #3. Check. Check.

And...................GO!

And...................shit. Something's wrong.

The mother f-ing machine decided to lock up and spray continually on my stomach. It's a jet stream of a sticky stinky orange potion blasting at me.

Against my better judgement, I just stand there.    ----Staring at it.       ----Thinking it will stop.

A new method? It's going to move right?

No. It's not.

And..............I panic. Pure total Panic.

I'm locked in this tiny tiny room and I can't breathe. No really, I can't breathe. I'm being pummeled with icy cold ick and the room is quickly filling up with over spray. AND........THE.DOOR.WONT.OPEN.

It's stuck.

I pretty much just stand there flapping my hands up and down and shrieking like a little girl. My legs are streaming with streaks of the liquid and I'm now standing in a puddle of oopa loompa orange.

Finally, I breathe. IN/OUT....and get the door to open. It wasn't stuck. I was just pulling not pushing. *Palm smack to the head. I hop out and slam the door on the disaster that's happening in the booth and immediately start wiping my body down with the towel provided and about an entire pack of baby wipes. For those of you who don't know, baby wipes are genius. They freaking clean anything.

I think I'm pretty cleaned up, so I put the towel around me and pop my head out the door and yell (politely, i think) for the butterfly lash girl to come get me. She won't come. I'm immediately reminded that Effie from "The Hunger Games" had butterfly lashes.

This is it. I'm in  the Suburbia Hell Hunger Games. Every woman's nightmare.

They're trying to break me. I know it.

I yell again for her. I AM NOT putting my clothes back on, damn it. I wore THREE layers!

I ask for her again (umm...maybe not so politely) and this time she comes running.

She's apologizing excessively, and once again, I cannot listen. Can she see? Doesn't that bother her? It's like I'm in a trance, and before I know it I'm agreeing to try a different machine. How did she do that? I had quit I'm telling you. Quit. I was going to lay down a few choice words and leave that place in the dust. I had also already planned a scathing Google review. I was going to show them I tell ya.

Yes, I'll upgrade to the Vanilla scented tan. Thank you.

What??!!! This girl needs a raise. I hear that those butterfly lashes come in multiple colors. She'll need to order more. They're magic.

So....I'm sure you all want a pic. Well, my expert clean up skills took care of most of the mess on my body. But...here's a delightful picture of my feet. See the run marks? Yep...they go up my leg.  Grrrr.....

I might need to change my screen name from SyFyMOM to SyFyEXPERIMENT. I sure look like one. *wimper *sadface

What's next for SyFyMOM?

Let's see...where do I begin?

I think I'll start with a big THANK YOU to all of my readers and supporters. I might also need to include a "SORRY" to anyone who was around me at all in March! Boy can I get crabby when I'm stressed! I hit an all time high on the crazy-o-meter this last month. I think they need to invent a term for people who have OCD and ADD. I'm not clinically diagnosed (nor do I intend to take any intention to do so!) but I'm pretty sure I have some level of both. Sometimes the combination equals PURE AWESOMENESS! My attention to detail and hyper energy have led me to some major wins in my pocket. However, it can also lead to "What the hell is she doing now?"

Anyhow, some of you know that I applied for FaceOFF (it's a show on the SyFy channel, and it's super cool). I'm not going to talk about the processes that go behind such a venture, I certainly don't want anything I say to get in the way of me applying again someday (because I WILL apply again!). All I can say is that it was very fun and that I loved every minute of it. Guess what? People in the television industry are really nice! I've definitely been misinformed about people from Los Angeles. Every single person I spoke with was exceptionally helpful and kind.

SQUIRREL!

AND......back to why I was a crazybitch in March.....

Anytime you start something new, it's just that...NEW! I decided to launch myself into the makeup world FuLL StEaM aHEAD!! I thought that things would develop slowly and that I would walk before I ran. Nope. I should know better. That's not how I do things. >>>>>>RUN!!! My world changed quickly and took off like a rocket ship. Who knew? I certainly didn't. I generally underestimate myself. Opportunities popped up left and right and I did my best to keep up with all of them, along with work a full time job, apply for FaceOFF, and raise a family.

Cuh-razy.

So, here we are in April preparing for what's next. As mentioned in my previous post (click here to read), I have a RAW Artist show coming up in June. BUT....before then....I will be helping out a dear friend with her RAW Artist event. I will be assisting the lovely Daisy Mae with whatever she may need. Makeup! Hair! Flowers! She will be showcasing in the category of HAIR and I wish her the best. Please come! I'd love to see everyone there in support. Here is a link to buy tickets: http://www.rawartists.org/boise/spectrum

You remember Daisy Mae....she was my beautiful TIGRESS! Go support her!

AND NOW FOR THE BIG NEWS!!!

My friend Will is directing a movie that will be filmed right here in Boise! I'm so excited because he asked me to be the Department Head of Hair and Makeup. This.Is.A.BIG.Deal.For.Me! Not only will this be my first film, but I'm proud to say that it will be a great film. Will has created something that is funny and intelligent. I think all of you will fall in love with his characters. I'm excited to help bring these characters to life and CANNOT WAIT for the filming process to begin!

Just to add a little visual to this post.....I just stood up and did a happy dance. You know, typical white-girl terrible stuff. I don't drop it like it's hot. I drop it like luke-warm lumpy potatoes.

luke-warm...lumpy...potatoes...

Sexy, I know.

Zombie Horse with Blood Legs??

Our SyFyFAM activity of the week was : SKETCH!

Usually, my little miss draws beautiful creations like bunnies and rainbows. Or...she gets creative and draws rainbow bunnies. Everything in her sweet little 3 year mind is basically happiness and sunshine. Her sketches usually look like this: (I think she's super talented!)

See! Super cute! So....you could imagine my surprise one day as we were drawing when I saw her in the middle of creating this:

Hmm...."What are you drawing sweetheart?" To which she replied, "A zombie horse. It's for you, because you make monsters."

(ACKK!!!!) (mommy alarms in the head)......Say what?!

She further elaborated with "Oh, and I'm going to give it legs made out of blood. Blood legs. Oh, and zombie blood flowers."

I let her know how sweet she was and thanked her for the beautiful drawing and then sent her outside to play. Uh oh....my husband and I are doing our best to NOT raise serial killers! Where did I go wrong?! After my momentary freak out (this one will NOT go on the fridge), I decided to consult my sketch book:

Yep...I definitely like sketching monsters. But, I have a great reason! I promise! I'm trying to break into the special effects industry and bring something really cool to our little city. Sketching is where I start with my concept, and then after the sketch comes the sculpting. The sketch is a really important step in the whole process. It's also the easiest part of what I do that I can allow my kids to participate. I love having them next to me! We regularly sketch together: (Left: My devil in progress, Center: my little girl's monkey, Right: my son's rocket ship)

So, is it too much for them? I had to think>>>>and think>>>>>and think.

The answer was: NO. It's not too much for them.

What's really cool about our little SyFyFAM is that our kids have a really great perspective of what's real and what's not. They know that monsters don't exist (except for stangers. STRANGERS=BAD) and that they are something that people create. They DON'T live in their closets. They DON'T live under their beds. They are made out of foam, silicone, rubber, and paint. AND....they are fun to make.

I took a long moment that day to watch my little girl play outside in her pink tutu and bare feet. She loves the wind in her hair, flowers, rainbows and sunshine AND she's not afraid of anything. Oh, except ants. Yep, I think were doing okay. But just to be sure.....I'm going to sketch a super beautiful fairy and face paint my little miss to match. That will be next weeks SyFyFAM activity!

I like the word AMAZEBALLS....a lot.

Watch out...I'm about ready to open up! (This is hard for me. My walls rival the ones in China.)

Okay, here goes.....I don't like showing my work to people. In the past I've rarely taken pictures of what I do or even talked much about some of my skills. I'm super possessive over my sketches...much like a diary. Recently one of my co-workers (The Pixie One) saw a sketch in my sketch book, I swear, it was like 5 alarms went off in my head! I didn't know what to do in that 1/2 second of panic. But...this amazing thing happened: She liked it! I'm not sure why I do this to myself. There is absolutely no reason to put myself through so much torture.

So I've made a promise to myself. I'm going to put myself out there. I'm going to stand up for my own work and accept all forms of compliments or criticism. So there.

It's actually not the criticism that bothers me. It's the compliments. I have a really hard time accepting compliments. My awesome work friend (The Snarky One) pointed this out to me recently and it helped spark my resolve to change.

A lot of you have been asking what I've been up to lately, especially since my Facebook posts have been rather vague. I have a GIANT opportunity I'm waiting to hear about. It's a gigantic MAYBE. I'll share whenever I can. But...if that amazing-awesome-superwoman-cool-thing doesn't happen I have something else in the works (which depends on if the super-awesome-amazeballs-oh-my-God-thing happens or not).

So.....tentatively....I invite you all to witness my first public work of art. I will be presenting at the Powerhouse Event Center on June 19th as a Boise RAW Artist. Once again, UNLESS super-awesome-tummybutterflies-major-thing happens.

A link to my Artist Page can be found here: 

http://www.rawartists.org/lanawilliams

This is going to be big. REALLY BIG!I'm going to present something at this RAW show that this city has never seen before! Wake up Boise...here I come! Well....unless the super-awesome-lightningstrike-thing happens.